Everything You Need to Know about Grammar

It’s not . . .

• Chomping at the bit
• One in the same
• (a) kudo

The following list is courtesy of and copyright © of: Daniel J. Stern
(with modification by Jeff Puthuff)

1. Abbreviations are usually formed by putting together the first letters of the words in the phrase to be abbreviated. Thus, the abbreviation for do it yourself is DIY, not DYI. If you are talking about your car’s positive crankcase vent system, then we can discuss PCV, but otherwise you are probably referring to polyvinyl chloride, which is abbreviated PVC.
2. Au jus is a French phrase that means “with or in (usually its own) juice”. It is an adjective phrase, not a noun. You can serve roast beef au jus, but not “roast beef with au jus”, and there’s nothing such as “au jus sauce”.
3. Loose means not tight, and it has a hissing ssssss sound like a snake in it. Lose means not win or not retain, and it has a buzzing zzzzzzzz sound like a bee.
4. Your refers to something that belongs to you. You’re means “you are”. The same goes for there (not here) and their (belonging to them) versus they’re (they are), and were (used to be) versus we’re (we are).
5. Gifts are free. That’s what makes them gifts. If they weren’t free, they’d be purchases. Stop saying I’ll get a “free gift” if I sign up for your crappy mobile phone service or whatever. And really stop using the phrase “for free”. I really mean it. Stop doing it. Oh, and unless you are a tax lawyer or a parent very impressed with your child (whom you consider gifted, i.e., exceptionally intelligent), gift is a noun, not a verb. You didn’t “gift” somebody a free toaster, you gave them a toaster.
6. You may or may not have a penchant for doing this or that or the other thing, but you do not have a “perchant” for it.
7. To revert means to return to an earlier habit, practice, belief, version, plan, or developmental stage. In law, it means the return of property to a former owner or her heirs. It does not mean to reply or get back to someone. “I’ll check our warehouse to see how many of that item we have and revert to you by Tuesday” is wrong.
8. Less means a smaller amount of something. fewer means a smaller number of something. Less water, less air, less money, less hassle. Fewer trips, fewer cups, fewer slices of pizza, and the express lane at the grocery is properly limited to purchases involving 15 or fewer items, not “15 or less items”.
9. I deliberately omitted the word “store” in the previous item, because it would have been redundant. I buy baked goods at a bakery, not a “bakery store”, and I buy food, food-related items, cleaning supplies and other groceries at a grocery. My grandmother bought this sort of thing from her grocer, whose grocery was usually his own small business rather than part of a corporate chain.
10. Momentarily means “for a moment”. It does not mean “in a moment”. If you say you will be somewhere momentarily, it means you will be there very, very, very briefly. It does not mean you will be there soon.
11. Contractions like could’ve, should’ve, would’ve, had to’ve are written thus because they contain the last couple of letters from the word “have”. Stop writing “should of”, “could of”, “would of”, and “had to of”.
12. To electrocute means to execute (i.e., kill) a person or animal by means of electricity. It is not a synonym for “charge”, “shock”, “generate voltage near” or “electrify”. Brits take heed, because for some strange reason you seem to think it’s clever to make this error.
13. As many of you know, the Country Bunker has both kinds of music: Country and Western. Likewise, sometimes the same word is used as a noun and as a verb. But the pronunciation is different. Take address for example. You “uh-DRESS” (verb) a letter or a crowd or anyone else you wish to speak to, but mail comes to your “ADD-ress” (noun). You “pro-JECT” (verb) your slides on the wall or your emotions onto others, but that new garage you’re building out back is a “PRO-ject” or “PRAH-ject” (noun). You “reh-CORD” (verb) your thoughts in your blog, so that later you can look back on the running “RECK-ord” or “RECK-erd” (noun) of what you were thinking. Easy enough, right? Well, it works the same way for detail: You read the “DEE-tails” (noun) of a report, but you “deh-TAIL” (verb) your car. “Firefighters rescue a cat stuck in a tree, we’ll have deh-TAILS coming up after this break on Action Six News” is wrong.
14. Kilometre is properly pronounced with the emphasis on the third syllable, and optionally with emphasis on the first. “kil-uh-MEE-tur” or “KIL-uh-MEE-tur” is yes. “ki-LAH-mit-ur” is no. This is an old bad habit, and there’s never a good time to break an old bad habit, so just go ahead and do it now.
15. I left this off originally because I didn’t think it had to be said, but popular demand suggests otherwise, so — Republicans, I’m looking at you again — let’s all say two easy words together: New. Clear. Everyone can say these words. Each of them has only one syllable. They are both practically impossible to mispronounce. Now say them again, without pausing between them: NewClear. Congratulations! You can pronounce nuclear correctly after all!
16. The word ridiculous does not contain the letter “e” in either its written or its spoken form.
17. The apostrophe is a lovely punctuation mark. It looks a little like a helium-filled comma. One use for the apostrophe is to indicate that something or someone possesses something or someone else. Stephen’s house, the dog’s tail, the socket’s connections. Another use is to form a contraction from two words, where “is” is the second word: It’s true, and that’s a fact. Where neither an “is” contraction nor a possessive situation exists, using an apostrophe to warn the reader that s/he will soon encounter the letter “s” is wrong.
18. Supposably and expedential and irregardless are assemblages of letters, but they are not words and so they don’t mean anything. For best results, use only 100% genuine actual real words when building your sentences. Accept no imitations; use supposedly and exponential and regardless.
19. “Kudos” is one of those words that ends in “s” but is not plural, like “pathos” and “ethos” and “gravitas”. The “s” has to be on the end of it, or it’s not a word. There’s nothing such as “giving a kudo” to someone for a job well done.
20. If you care about something, even just a little bit, then you could care less than you do care. If you are trying to be clever and cute about expressing your utter lack of concern regarding whatever matter or idea is being discussed, then you couldn’t care less. If you have been confused by nonsensical justifications for saying “I could care less” when “couldn’t” is meant, reread the sentences preceeding this one as many times as necessary.
21. Stop using the verb “do” as a substitute for whatever verb you really mean; it’s lazy. You aren’t going to “do” Chinese food, you’re going to eat it or order it or have it. You didn’t “do” New Guinea, you went there and saw it. And how did we wind up with a clunker like “doing” drugs? No! You smoke marijuana or crack, you take pills, you shoot heroin, you eat mushrooms. Not all at the same time, it’s to be hoped.
22. Yes, gauge is a less-than-intuitive spelling, because the word is pronounced with an “ay” sound, not an “aw” or an “oh” sound. No, that does not make it okay to spell it “gage”. And since we’re on the topic, “guage” is wrong, too.
23. Significant means real. Substantial means large. They are not synonyms. Stop and think every time you’re tempted to use “significant”; odds are you really mean “substantial”.
24. Like the apostrophe, quotation marks are delightful bits of punctuation. They come in pairs, and are really diverse. But whether they look like « » or like “ ” or like ” ” or like „ ”, they’re used to denote text spoken or written by someone else. They can also be used as “scare quotes” to denote a dubious or questionable word or phrase. They’re not used for emphasis, ever. Please “do not” leave paper in urinal & remember to “flush” is wrong.
25. Normal is not a noun, it is an adjective made from the noun norm. It’s possible to adapt to a new norm, but there is nothing such as “the new normal”.
26. Words that sound alike but have different meanings and spellings are called homophones. Three such words are there, their, and they’re. These words are not interchangeable, and picking the right one requires only the smallest, quickest mental effort. Using the wrong one makes you look lazy and feebleminded. You don’t want to look lazy and feebleminded, do you?
27. Champing at the bit means eager or anxious to get going and do something. “Chomping at the bit” doesn’t mean anything.
28. One and the same means two things are alike. “One in the same” doesn’t mean anything.
29. Stock in trade means all the merchandise and equipment kept on hand and used in carrying on a business. Colloquially, it refers to the resources habitually called on by a person in a given situation (e.g, “A ready wit is her stock in trade”). “Stock and trade” doesn’t mean anything.
30. i.e. means “that is”. e.g. means “for example”. The two are not interchangeable. And always place a comma after the last period, please.
31. There is a punctuation mark properly used to indicate words omitted from a quote, and informally used to signify a longer pause and perhaps a looser connection between thoughts than you’d indicate with a comma. It is called an ellipsis, and it looks like this:
    
    … or . . . if you’re a Chicago Manual of Style user

    It is used far oftener than warranted, but whether you’re using it correctly or insisting on using it instead of the appropriate comma or semicolon, it is always only ever composed of three dots. Not four, not five, not seventeen, but three. More dots don’t mean a longer pause, they mean you don’t know how to write.